Adoption Through the Eyes of a Child -- Hidden Losses -- Entering Your Child's World -- Twenty Things Your Adopted Child Wants You to Know -- "I Suffered a Profound Loss Before I Was Adopted. You Are Not Responsible." -- "I Need to Be Taught That I Have Special Needs Arising From Adoption Loss, of Which I Need Not Be Ashamed." -- "If I Don't Grieve My Loss, My Ability to Receive Love From You and Others Will Be Hindered." -- "My Unresolved Grief May Surface in Anger Toward You." -- "I Need Your Help in Grieving My Loss. Teach Me How to Get in Touch With My Feelings About My Adoption and Then Validate Them." -- "Just Because I Don't Talk About My Birth Family Doesn't Mean I Don't Think About Them." -- "I Want You to Take the Initiative in Opening Conversations About My Birth Family." -- "I Need to Know the Truth About My Conception, Birth, and Family History, No Matter How Painful the Details May Be." -- "I Am Afraid I Was 'Given Away' by My Birth Mother Because I Was a Bad Baby. I Need You to Help Me Dump My Toxic Shame." -- "I Am Afraid You Will Abandon Me." -- "I May Appear More 'Whole' Than I Actually Am. I Need Your Help to Uncover the Parts of Myself That I Keep Hidden So I Can Integrate All the Elements of My Identity." -- "I Need to Gain a Sense of Personal Power." -- "Please Don't Say I Look or Act Just Like You. I Need You to Acknowledge and Celebrate Our Differences." -- "Let Me Be My Own Person ... But Don't Let Me Cut Myself Off From You." -- "Please Respect My Privacy Regarding My Adoption. Don't Tell Other People Without My Consent."
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