Introduction -- So you want to be a mother! -- Donna (Donna Reed Show), Harriet (Ozzie and Harriet), Barbara (Leave it to Beaver), Shirley (Partridge Family), Marjorie (Make Room for Daddy), Jane (Father Knows Best), Florence (The Brady Bunch) -- Frank -- Connie -- Everybody else's mother -- The first day of school for "the baby" -- Pacifier pioneers -- Who are hard to raise - boys or girls? -- Donna -- Hair -- Sharon -- Louise and Estelle -- How I spent my summer by Laura Parsons, age 11 -- The five greatest American fiction writers of all time (who just happened to be mothers) -- Julie -- The special mother -- Ginny -- ¿Se habla English? -- Dottie -- Two be or not two be -- Brooke -- Born to crisis -- Cora -- Stepmothers with bad P.R.: Snow White's stepmother ; Cinderella's stepmother ; Hansel and Gretel's stepmother -- Pat -- Five classic motherhood speeches: "Why you cannot have a snake for a pet" ; "So you've decided to pierce your ears" ; "Do you know what time it is" ; "You want to borrow my WHAT?" ; "Don't pretend you don't know what this is all about. YOU know! " -- Sarah -- Motherese: Oldies but goodies ; On age ; Guilt grabbers ; Great exit lines ; Philosophical bon-bons -- Janet -- If you can't stand the heat...turn off the stove -- "Every puppy should have a boy" -- Treva -- Anonymous -- Don't you dare bleed on Mom's breakfast" -- "Is anyone home?" -- Primer of guilt: "Bless me, everybody, for I have sinned" -- Rose -- "Do I have to use my own money?" -- The spirit of Christmas...and other expenses -- Mary -- Ethel -- Erma -- Epilogue.
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