A presidential candidate / Mark Twain -- The lecture tickets that were bought but never used / George Ade -- The ransom of Red Chief / O. Henry -- From Babbitt / Sinclair Lewis -- From Gentlemen prefer blondes / Anita Loos -- On conversation / Ring Lardner -- Imperial purple / H.L. Mencken -- More alarms at night / James Thurber -- The waltz / Dorothy Parker -- Farewell, my lovely appetizer / S.J. Perelman -- Simple prays a prayer / Langston Hughes -- The night the old nostalgia burned down / Frank Sullivan -- Across the street and into the grill / E.B. White -- The house of mirth / Peter De Vries -- From The magic Christian / Terry Southern -- From How to talk dirty and influence people / Lenny Bruce -- The secret vice / Tom Wolfe -- The counterfeit secret circle member gets the message, or The asp strikes again / Jean Shepherd -- The Kentucky Derby is decadent and depraved / Hunter S. Thompson -- A look at organized crime / Woody Allen -- The tax man / Bruce Jay Friedman -- Letters to Einstein / Philip Roth -- A few words about breasts / Nora Ephron -- Our white heritage / Henry Beard, Michael O'Donoghue, George W.S. Trow -- Better read than dead : a revised opinion / Fran Lebowitz -- Your action line / Charles Portis -- In the morning post / Donald Barthleme -- Curb Carter policy discord effort threat / Veronica Geng -- Vacation '58 / John Hughes -- The laws of cartoon motion / Mark O'Donnell -- The Tip-Top Club / Garrision Keillor -- Rolled in rare Bohemian onyx, then vulcanized by hand / Bruce McCall -- Tough as bob war and other stuff / Molly Ivins -- Corrections / Calvin Trillin -- Tips for women : how to have a relationships with a guy / Dave Barry -- Clinton deploys vowels to Bosnia / The Onion -- Shiftless little loafers / Susan Orlean -- Gothic baseball / Roy Blount Jr. -- If I were in charge of the networks / George Carlin -- Laws concerning food and drink ; Household principles ; Lamentations of the father / Ian Frazier -- The writer's life / David Rakoff -- From I ain't scared of you / Bernie Mac -- Buddy, can you spare a tie? / David Sedaris -- It's so hard / Wanda Sykes -- What I'd say to the Martians / Jack Handey -- Your three wishes : F.A.Q. / David Owen -- Ask the optimist! / George Saunders -- Awake / Jenny Allen -- The pony problem / Sloane Crosley -- If not an apology, at least a "my bad" / Larry Wilmore.
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