Through the author's own original field research, a surprising picture of the moral development of children emerges to confirm that parents' intense focus on their children's happiness is turning many children into self-involved, fragile conformists who feel ashamed when they fail to measure up. He posits that parents' challenge is not to teach morality, but first, "to help children deal with the emotions, such as the fear of being a pariah or a 'loser, ' that cause them to transgress," and, secondly, "to help children develop a deep commitment to these values, a commitment that can override other needs and goals. The issue isn't moral literacy; it's moral motivation ... Appreciation brakes destructive impulses." Finally, "a third challenge is to develop in children a strong sense of self--so that they can withstand adversity in the service of moral goals--and to ingrain in children from early ages the habits of attending to and caring for others."
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