I think my son is a catch / Barbara Karlin -- Introduction / Nick Hornby -- Sex is the most stressful thing in the history of the universe / Dan Vebber -- Girls don't make passes at boys with fat asses / Andy Richter -- Beware of math tutors who ride motorcycles / Will Forte -- Persistence is for suckers / David Wain -- The heart is a choking hazard / Stephen Colbert -- Don't come on your cat / Neal Pollack -- Technology can be friend and foe / Alex Gregory -- Eggs must be broken / Tom Shillue -- Women are never too young to mess with your head / Larry Wilmore -- Keep some secret admirers secret / Eric Slovin -- A grudge can be art / Andy Selsberg -- I still like Jessica / Rodney Rothman -- Don't leave too much room for the Holy Spirit / Tom McGarthy -- I am a gay man / Dan Savage -- Nine years is the exact right amount of time to be in a bad relationship / Bob Odenkirk -- A dog is no reason to stay together / Damian Kulash, Jr. -- Strange gifts can scare / Marcel Dzama -- You too will get crushed / Ben Karlin -- You can encapsulate feelings of regret, panic, and desperation in a two-and-a-half-minute pop song / Adam Schlesinger -- I'm easy / Paul Simms -- Things more majestic and terrible than you could ever imagine / Todd Hanson -- Always make her feel like she's #1 / Alex Gregory -- Dirty girls make bad friends / A.J. Jacobs -- Being awkward can be a prophylactic against dry humping / Matt Goodman -- Lessons of a cyclical heart / Marcellus Hall -- Dating a stripper is a recipe for perspective / Patton Oswalt -- Sometimes you find a lost love, sometimes you don't / Bob Kerrey -- Don't enter a karaoke contest near Smith College; you will lose to lesbians / Jason Nash -- Get dumped before it matters / David Rees -- It wasn't me, it was her / Rick Marin -- She wasn't the one / Bruce Jay Friedman -- Notes towards a unified theory of dumping / Sam Lipsyte.
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