pt. 1. Pursuing your dream -- Lesson 1. They can snort you here! -- pt. 2. Learning the business -- Lesson 2. Use your F-bombs! -- Lesson 3. Don't let 'em fart at your ideas! -- Lesson 4. Beware of the back pat! -- Lesson 5. Don't let 'em bleed on you! -- Lesson 6. Don't take your clothes off! -- pt. 3. Getting ready to write the script -- Lesson 7. Avoid the woodpecker! -- Lesson 8. Ideas are poison! -- pt. 4. Writing the script -- Lesson 9. Slit a vein and drip it on the page! -- pt. 5. Selling the script -- Lesson 10. How do you feel about going to bed with an agent? -- pt. 6. Filming the script -- Lesson 11. Steal as much memorabilia from the set as you can! -- pt. 7. Working with the director -- Lesson 12. He's a passive-aggressive snake! -- Lesson 13. Every good director is a sadist! -- pt. 8. Working with the producer -- Lesson 14. Is his heart full of shit? -- pt. 9. Dealing with the studio -- Lesson 15. You're a jackass in a hailstorm! -- pt. 10. Inspiring the actors -- Lesson 16. Their shorts have skid marks, too! -- Lesson 17. Just say the fucking words! -- pt. 11. Surviving the critics -- Lesson 18. They want to kill you, rape your wife, and eat your children! -- pt. 12. The happy ending -- Lesson 19. Fight, write, throw up, and keep writing!
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