Everyone, in or out of a relationship, has wondered how couples work, and what makes them successful or unsuccessful, long-lasting or short-term. In this insightful, refreshingly nonjudgmental book, Barry Dym, Ph. D., and Michael Glenn, M.D., chart the stages of a couple's journey together, and offer a provocative glimpse of the complex birth and development of intimate partnerships. At the heart of Couples, the authors identify three distinct yet recurring stages common to all enduring relationships. We learn that couples begin with a period of Expansion and Promise - a time when each individual feels somehow larger, more witty and charming, in short, the best person that he or she can be. The intensity of Expansion cannot last though, and inevitably will move into Contraction - we each pull back into our more habitual ways, enact or demand more stereotypical gender roles, and feel disappointed and betrayed. Couples who weather the storm of Contraction (and long-term couples will experience many of them) will resolve their struggles and move into a time of Resolution, when intimacy is renewed and each individual can become more complete, containing both their "best" and "worst" selves. But Couples is much more than a map. Illustrating their ideas with in-depth examples, Drs. Dym and Glenn reveal how a couple's identity is shaped by these stages and the powerful cultural expectations of society, friends, and family who tell us what a couple should be. Couples analyzes how recurrent patterns are established, and the impact of gender issues, children, and the serious crises that occur in any lifetime. Finally, the authors offer accessible suggestions for applying these concepts to one's own relationship, guiding couples and individuals in how to manage their own periods of turmoil and transition. Original, engaging, and thoughtful, Couples uncovers the essence of our most intimate relationship - ultimately, it offers a striking portrait not just of whom we love (and why), but who we are.
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