Intro -- Title Page -- Copyright Page -- Table of Contents -- Introduction -- About This Book -- Foolish Assumptions -- Icons Used in This Book -- Beyond the Book -- Where to Go from Here -- Part 1 Defining Personal Boundaries -- Chapter 1 Creating Order, Safety, and Protection with Boundaries -- Knowing What Boundaries Are -- Protecting yourself and others -- Seeing how your boundaries define who you are -- Describing Boundaries -- Finding words for boundaries -- Discovering that boundaries expand and contract -- Seeing that Boundaries Are Everywhere -- Getting dressed for the day
Stopping at a red light -- Screening calls -- Closing the door -- Placing your wallet in your pocket -- Avoiding TMI (or oversharing) -- Understanding the Benefits of Boundaries -- Creating order -- Protecting yourself from others -- Protecting others from you -- Gaining clarity in relationships -- Practicing self-care -- Improving communication -- Seeing Boundaries at the Extremes -- Acknowledging Cultural Differences -- Chapter 2 Knowing What Boundaries Aren't -- Seeing That Demands Are Not Boundaries -- Distinguishing demands from requests -- Admitting that demands are tempting
Spotting examples of demands -- Recognizing demands are harmful to relationships -- Understanding Ultimatums -- Making an ultimatum a boundary, not a threat -- Knowing where to put the "you" in ultimatums -- Embracing the "I" in ultimatums -- Checking your heart rate before issuing an ultimatum -- Erasing Expectations -- Turning expectations into requests -- Ignoring others' unspoken expectations -- Eliminating Shoulds -- Realizing That Agreements Aren't One-Sided -- Getting two "yeses" to create an agreement -- Telling versus asking -- Expressing desires doesn't create an obligation
Chapter 3 Exploring Privacy, Secrecy, and Intimacy -- Defining Private and Secret -- Defining Intimacy -- Knowing that intimacy doesn't (necessarily) mean sex -- Understanding two-way intimacy -- Connecting What You Know with Who You Know -- Identifying the information you have -- Determining levels of personal connection -- Figuring Out if Information Is Secret or Private -- Asking yourself four questions -- Understanding your private information belongs to you -- Admitting something is secret -- Knowing what to do with a secret -- Getting Clear on Who Gets to Know What about You
Matching people and information -- Correcting a people and information mismatch -- Knowing How Much to Share -- Assessing what you want to reveal -- Knowing when you're oversharing -- Being mindful of undersharing -- Appreciating that you're the ultimate decider -- Part 2 Understanding the Need for Boundaries -- Chapter 4 Appreciating the Ways That Boundaries Improve Your Life -- Calming the Nervous System with Order -- Setting your alarm or timer -- Sequencing: Putting first things first -- Managing your time -- Planning ahead to avoid stressful reactions -- Protecting Yourself to Create Safety
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